Monday, 19th May 2014
Today is my brother-in-law James's birthday. Coincidentally, it's also the day I have to go for a routine sexual health check up.
Now there's something about two events falling on the same day that triggers a memory response. When I put the appointment into my diary, I also noticed my brother in law's birthday and that then, inextricably, linked the two events. This has proven to be pretty useful today as when I saw on social media all the birthday greetings I immediately remembered that the appointment was today, but it's also had me thinking.
Now, a little background history (and I'll make it brief) I identify as male, but I wasn't born into a male body. I've since gone on to match my body up to my gender identity, and if you met me on the street you'd have no idea that I was trans, but I still have many of my original fixtures and fittings, including a cervix.
One of the many joys of owning a cervix is getting to go for a cervical smear. It's important and necessary but that doesn't make it any more awkward (as a man going for one!) or embarrassing. Saying that, I still think the worst part of it is the name. Smear. It sounds like something unsavoury that's been wiped across a toilet door.
So, when we were talking the other day about plans for James' birthday, I had that moment where I knew, tip of my tongue, that something else was happening on the same day. I felt my face crease in concentration, I felt the stares of my friends as they paused for me to work it out and I felt my face flush as I remembered what it was. Smear. Cue images of pants down, curious-yet-trying-to-be-professional-nurse and dirty toilet doors.
If it had been a dentists appointment or hair cut I may have been asked about tooth ache or what I was having done to my hair. But there is a particular type of awkward silence that only comes from casually mentioning a sexual health appointment. By talking about it, it's like saying "I have genitals and I use them for pleasure". It's funny, because when I have a hair cut it's making the statement "I'm willing to spend money on looking a certain way", but nobody bats an eyelid.
In the lead up to this appointment I've had a few occasions where I've gone to talk about it and felt silenced by the weight of social norms. We don't talk about sexual health services, we don't talk about how we feel about it and we certainly don't talk about what we've been doing that means we're accessing them. So I'd like to say to you all now with some pride, that I am going for a smear test today because I have genitals and I use them for pleasure.
Written by Jack Davis
