Wednesday, 15th April 2015
So breakups are tough. Especially when you’re engaged. This is something I’ve learned the hard way. However it turns out that the worst was yet to come - I realised that I’d just left my first long-term relationship without a single clue on how to date.
Grindr, Tinder, and the multitude of other dating apps out there had come into fashion since the last time I was single, and after listening to the horror stories passed around by my friends, I was intimidated to say the least.
I decided to opt for Tinder, despite the seemingly shallow concept of ‘swiping’ based on looks. This decision was made purely because Grindr is an utter enigma to me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a little nudity – who doesn’t? I just don’t appreciate the thought of said nudity bombarding my phone from random sources at all hours of the day. At least this is what I’m telling myself for the time being…
So I’ve been on Tinder for a couple of months now, and aside from the fact that I’ve had a pitifully low number of matches, it irked me a little to discover some of the preferences commonly specified in the little summary one can type. People looking for ‘straight-acting’ guys who are ‘over 6 foot’ and ‘bearded’. Far be it for me to tell people who they should find attractive! If you want to aim for Chris Hemsworth then by all means you go get ‘im, but my irritation stems from the fact that the whole format of Tinder ensures that you only have to communicate with someone if you find each other mutually attractive. Thus rendering these little build-a-butch wish lists a little redundant.
Their pointlessness aside, throwing this kind of exclusive language out there can cause some serious harm. As someone who is under 6 foot, perpetually baby-chinned and not the most masculine Ken in the toy aisle – I can tell you that reading it hurts. There may be the odd ‘looks don’t matter, I care about people’ to add a little balance, but these are a rarity. Repeatedly seeing qualities you lack listed as musts, and the qualities you have not being listed at all, makes dating feel more than a little hopeless; especially when you consider the already reduced dating opportunities out there for a lot of LGBTQ+ individuals.
So next time you’re fishing in the LGBTQ+ dating app sea, rather than just listing all those ‘must haves’ and ‘must have nots’ you could always trying baiting your hook with some information about yourself and the things you like to do. You could be surprised who you reel in and might just save someone from feeling un-dateable.
TTFN
Written by Nigel
Trade Community Writer
