Practising safer sex means protecting yourself and others from sexually transmitted infections and HIV infection by taking the necessary precautions during sex and foreplay.


Man to Man Sex
Find out about different forms of sex and risks.

Woman to Woman
Find out about different forms of sex and risks.

Healthy Sex Life
Get advice on how to have a healthy sex life, and how to overcome problems.

Oral sex and HIV
Find out the risks associated with oral sex and how to reduce them.

Reducing the risk
What is safer sex and how can you reduce your risk of infection.

Living with HIV
If you or your partner is HIV+ (positive) you can still enjoy safer sex. Find out how.



Man to Man Sex


The only way to reduce HIV transmission or other sexually transmitted infections is to use a barrier- most commonly a condom.

If you are having anal sex, it's important that you use a regular condom which fits your penis and plenty of water based lubricant. Recent studies have shown that extra strong condoms are not needed for anal sex providing you use them properly, but condoms such as flavoured and other novelty condoms are not to be used for anal sex.

If you are not having anal sex, still be aware of any sores or cuts you have which may be exposed to your partner's semen. For example, if you are going to have oral sex, make sure you don't brush your teeth as this can give you small cuts in your gums: chew gum or use mouthwash instead.

Refer to the Sexual Transmitted Infections page of this website to find out about STI's their symptoms and how to reduce the risks


Different forms of sex and risks:


Touching and kissing

Touching and kissing are just what they say they are: responding to each other and exploring each other's bodies.

Risk: Touching and kissing are safe, although there is a possibility of HIV transmission and other STI's if you have open sores and cuts.


Mutal masterbation

Mutual masturbation is masturbating your partner and having him masturbate you: this can be part of foreplay or you can continue to orgasm.

Risk: Mutual masturbation is safe as long no semen gets into any cuts or sores.


Oral sex

Oral sex is using your mouth to stimulate your partner's penis by licking and sucking. The full name for this is fellatio.

Risks: Oral sex is safe if you don't get semen or pre-cum in your mouth. There is a risk of HIV transmission, particularly if you have cuts or ulcers

In your mouth or a sore throat. Some men choose to wear a condom during oral sex - flavoured condoms are available for oral sex.


Anal sex

A third of gay men choose never to have anal sex. A further third wait until they are in a long-term relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right person for you to come along: there's nothing wrong, in not wanting to have anal sex full stop. You have the right to choose what you enjoy sexually and should not feel you have to commit to anything you do not want to do.

Anal sex is inserting your penis into your partner's anus and vice versa. This will stimulate the prostate of the person receiving anal sex. To have anal sex, you will need to use a water-based lubricant. Find out about condoms and lubricants on this website.

Massage a little lube into the anus, to help relax the sphincter. The penis should enter the anus slowly. Allowing the muscle to relax: if either partner is in pain, you should stop immediately - you can always retry later, when you may be more relaxed.

If it's your first time, go slowly. The sex involving anal sex is often referred to as fucking.

Risk: Anal sex carries a high risk of HIV transmission. If you have anal sex you should wear a condom to greatly reduce the risk of transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Use plenty of water-based lubricant and don't use an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline with latex condoms (nearly all condoms are made of latex, except specialist latex free condoms e.g. Avanti condoms), as the condom will break up. This also applies to oral sex - for example, if you have Vaseline on your lips and give oral sex to a partner with a condom on, the condom may break up. More information about lubricants is on the Lube section of this website.


Fingering

Fingering is either using your fingers to stimulate the outside of the anus or penetrating your partner's anus with your fingers to stimulate the prostate. This will be easiest with lubricant.

Risks: Fingering is safe, although if it's forceful or your nails are sharp you could tear the skin inside or outside of the anus, which would make HIV transmission easier during anal sex. If you prefer, use a latex glove.


Fisting

Fisting is along the same lines as fingering, except you insert all your fingers, your hand, and possibly some of your arm into your partner's anus. You'll need to use lots of lube, and you may find that actually placing your fingers into a fist isn't the easiest way to fist your partner.

Risks: Fisting is as safe as fingering in terms of STI's. However it's so invasive, it's more likely you will damage the anus. Wear a latex glove and use lots of water-based lube. Go very slowly and carefully. Fisting requires a great deal of gentleness, care and patience.


Rimming

Rimming is using your tongue to stimulate your partner's anus.

Risks: rimming carries a risk of infection. Although it is unlikely that HIV will be transmitted. Its best to use and oral barrier, such as a dental dam.

Some of these types of sex may seem scary and too full on: or perhaps they seem to tame. Always remember that it's your body, and that you always have the right to say "NO", no matter what you have said before and no matter what you are doing at the time.

You can order free safer sex packs from this website. If you would like latex gloves or other forms of condoms, then please contact the Trade office.


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Woman to Woman Sex


Current research shows, though minimal, suggests that sex between women carries a very low risk of HIV transmission. However, there is no reason why other STI's cannot be passed on. There is more information about STI's and HIV on Sexually Transmitted infections and HIV pages on this website. You can also request the booklet 'Calling all Divas' from the Trade office or pick one up from the postcard racks in some of the Leicester Gay bars and clubs which contains information about health issues that may affect women.

If you want to use an oral barrier to protect you and your partner, particularly if you or she gets cold sores and so could transmit herpes, use a dental dam.

Sharing sex toys can be risky. Do make sure that you use them with condoms or wash them thoroughly. Consider the risks and make a choice. ItŐs your body, and itŐs your job to be informed.


Different forms of sex and risks


Touching and kissing

Touching and kissing are just what they say they are: responding to each other and exploring each other's bodies.

Risk: Touching and kissing are safe, although there is a possibility of HIV transmission and other STI's if you have open sores and cuts.


Mutual masterbastion

Mutual masturbation is masturbating your partner and having your partner masturbate you: this can be part of foreplay or you can continue to orgasm.

Risk: Mutual masturbation is safe as long as no vaginal fluid gets into any cuts or sores.


Oral sex

Oral sex is using your tongue and mouth to stimulate your partner's clitoris and vulva. The full name for this is cunnilingus.

Risk: there is a risk of HIV transmission, particularly if you have cuts or ulcers in your mouth. Brushing your teeth can easily give you small cuts around your gums. If you may have oral sex, chew gum or use mouthwash instead. The virus Herpes simplex causes cold sores and genital herpes - so if you have a cold sore your partner can catch herpes. Some women chose to use an oral barrier such as a dental dam: this is a small square of latex, which forms a physical barrier and so stops transmission of STI's. It is also possible to use a cut up condom, although this is fiddly. Other barriers such as Clingfilm have not been designed to stop the transmission of STI's, and so they should not be used in place of an oral barrier.


Fingering

Fingering is using your fingers to stimulate the clitoris and labia (the lips of the vagina) and also using fingers to penetrate the vagina and anus.

Risk: Fingering is safe, although if it's forceful or your nails are sharp you could tear the skin inside or outside of the vagina or anus. If you prefer, use a latex glove, going slowly using lube.


Fisting

Fisting is the same as fingering the vagina or anus, except inserting more fingers, the rest of your hand, and perhaps a little arm.

Risk: Fisting is as safe as fingering in terms of STI's, however as itŐs so invasive, it's more likely that you will damage the lining of the vagina or anus. Wear a latex glove if wanted, and use lots of water-based lubricant, going slowly and carefully. Fisting requires a great deal of gentleness, care and patience.


Rimming

Rimming is the same idea as oral sex, but instead of stimulating the clitoris and labia, you stimulate the anus with your tongue.

Risk: Rimming carries a risk of infection though it is unlikely that HIV will be transmitted, it is best to use an oral barrier, such as a dental dam.


Sex toys

Sex toys come in many shapes and sizes, with batteries so they vibrate (vibrators) or without batteries (dildos). The accessories and ranges are too vast to list.

Risk: when swapping between partners either unroll a fresh condom onto the toy or wash it in hot soapy water to avoid the mixing of bodily fluids.

Whether you have any of these types of sex, or if you can think of 1001 other ways, it's important to remember that it's your body: be free to do whatever makes you and your partner happy, at the same time remembering that you can always say "No".

You can order free Diva packs from this website. If you would like latex gloves or other forms of condoms, then please contact the Trade office, details on this website.


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Healthy Sex Life


You can have healthy and safe sex by taking control and managing your sex life in a way that fulfils both you and your partner.

A healthy sex life can mean a variety of things. The most important thing is that it's your sex life we are talking about. So that means finding out what makes you comfortable, and what works for you.

It might be that this varies over time and it can depend on many things. Sometimes your sex life is busy and other times it's less of a priority, but either way it can still be a healthy sex life.

It's all about taking control and managing your situation. Hopefully that will produce a result that fulfils both you and your partner's.


What can you do?

Here is a list to help you manage your sex life:

Your sex life is going to change as time passes, just as other aspects of your life do. A bit of thought means that your sex life can contribute to the rest of your life rather than detracting from it.


Check ups

If you go to your local GUM (Genitourinary Medicine) clinic (details on this website) you can get a regular free check up for sexually transmitted infections (STI's) you might be able to get this from your local or family doctor (GP) but GUM clinics will protect your confidentiality. Your GP may tell people about your appointment. Tests for HIV are also available.

Having regular check up's means that you'll have a clear picture of your sexual health. So not only will you be able to relax, but you'll be in a better position to talk to your partners.


Keeping up-to-date

It's important to keep up-to-date on sexual matters. After all, things do change: while some issues might be less of a worry now than they were in the past, you should be aware of any new infections and how they may affect your sex life. You can get this information from this website or your nearest GUM clinic.


Take action

If you notice anything unusual about your sexual health, get it checked. Most STI's can be cured with no lasting effect to your health if they are dealt with early enough and if you follow the medication course and instructions.


Talk

Communication with your partner or partners is vital. What kind of safer sex measure would they rather take? What do you prefer? You can also contact Trade with any concerns you may have and have confidential chat.


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Oral sex and HIV


The HIV virus can be passed on through oral sex. Oral hygiene and safe sex can help stop it being transmitted.


Can HIV be transmitted through oral sex?

The risk is lower than some other sexual practises but HIV can be passed on through oral sex.

Recent surveys have shown that only a small minority of new cases of HIV that are diagnosed are due to oral sex. Although HIV is present in vaginal fluids, semen and the clear fluid that your penis produces for lubrication before orgasm, it is unlikely these will come into contact with your bloodstream during oral sex. But while it's unlikely it's not impossible.

The risk factor is largely due to your oral hygiene. If you have ulcers, dental bleeding or lacerations then the infection could reach your blood stream. However saliva has enzymes that inhibit transmission and the cells in the mouth aren't absorbent, so the chance of transmission is low.


Lower the risk

If you are performing oral sex on a man you could:

NB. Do not have oral sex if you have a throat infection or have bleeding gums.


If you are performing oral sex on a woman:

NB. You should avoid having oral sex when a woman is having her period.


Other infections

There are other sexually transmitted infections (STI's) that are transmitted much more easily through oral sex (read more about STI's on the sexually transmitted infections page on this website). Herpes, Syphilis and Gonorrhoea can all be transmitted in this way, so it is worth looking at your oral sex practices as part of a healthy sex life.


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Reducing the risk


There are many ways that you can reduce the risk of infection to a level that makes you feel more comfortable.

Trade Sexual Health advises that:



You should be aware of your own behaviour and how this puts you at risk. This can help you plan in advance and reduce the risks. For example if you tend to drink a lot when you go out and then wake up with regrets, then learn to alternate alcohol with soft drinks when you go out. It can be hard to change the pattern so take your time and take one step at a time.

Sometimes it is hard to negotiate safer sex with your partner. It is quite easy to assume the risks people want to take. Your partner may be relieved that you have taken the initiative as they might be making assumptions about you too, or maybe they've just got carried away. The first step is to start to talk about safe sex, and with time you find it easier to negotiate safer sex. If you would like to know more about negotiating safer sex, contact the Trade office, details on this website


Myths

Make sure the information you have around safer sex is correct. HIV has many myths associated with it such as:


NB. None of these statements are true.


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Living with HIV


It is possible to be HIV positive and have a good sex life without putting your partner at great risk or putting yourself at any further risk.

If you are living with HIV there are a number of issues that you need to think about when it comes to sex.

Treatments might affect your sex drive, or it might be affected by the pressures of coping with your diagnosis. It's all part of managing your sex life.


Consider / Decisions

These are some things you need to think about:



Telling others about having HIV

Telling somebody about your HIV status or your partner's HIV status can be very difficult. There might be all kinds of things to consider and implications that worry you, before you rush into anything, it may be worth talking it through with us at Trade to get some advice and support.


Re-infection

Some couples assume that if they are both living with HIV then there is no need to practise safer sex. This isn't the case and that because of re-infection, research is now suggesting that they are different strains of the HIV virus. So if you have unprotected sex with another person who has HIV you could become infected with another strain of HIV; and that might be one that is resistant to the medication you are taking, or that will affect your immune system more dramatically.


Viral Loads

If you have a high level of the HIV virus in your bloodstream (a high viral load) then your HIV is more likely to be transmitted to someone else if you don't practise safe sex than it is if you have a low viral load. But having an undetectable viral load does not mean that you can't transmit the virus. Undetectable means just that: it can't be detected by tests, but the virus is still there.


Pregnancy

If you have HIV it is still possible to have children without them having HIV.

If a man is living with HIV then his sperm can have the HIV virus removed from it in a process called sperm washing before being used in artificial insemination.

For women living with HIV the risk of transmission to the baby (known as vertical transmission) is greatest during birth. If the mother is taking combination therapy and gives birth by caesarean section then this risk is reduced. Breastfeeding can transmit the virus so bottle feeding is advised.


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